Brunel Men’s 1s (5) vs Brighton Men’s 1s (0)
Thursday 30th March, 2017.

London is gone. The evacuation order was issued on the 28th, however few made it out alive. It will take some time before things go back to normal. The West London Varsity was always going to be vicious but nobody could have imagined this catastrophe. What should have been a day of friendly competition between two universities turned into an all-out war. Memes quickly turned into propaganda and citizens started picking sides, calling out prominent figures for their apparent lies despite nobody really knowing who was right or wrong. This was beyond sport now and the people armed themselves. The university teams had been caught up in something greater than a few matches outside in the fresh air but had no choice but to fight for survival in this hate-fuelled Armageddon by using anything that hadn’t been destroyed in the fires as weapons. 

The only people left were four men, all of whom looked like they had seen a ghost, sitting on the remains of Brunel’s astro turf around a torn, bloodstained hockey shirt. The first man was Ivan, now with a fresh scar across his face, looked up at the group and said “Chaps. I don’t know how this has happened. I just wish we could go back in time, before this all began”. Dan glanced at Ivan from under the saucepan that he had been using as a makeshift helmet and said “Totally! Remember the Brighton game a few weeks ago? All we did was play some excellent Hockey and prove to be the dominant side. I remember the first goal Ivan, a clinical finish from you after a devastating pass from Syuk…” Dan tailed off, remembering the sacrifice Syukran had made to save them all by fending off a pack of St Mary’s lacrosse girls with a snapped javelin. There was no way he could have survived, but he had bought the boys some time. 

“There was nothing we could do Dan. He made the choice on his own, just like everyone else did” said Ivan. after a few minutes of silence, the third man coughed as he accidentally inhaled some of the blood coming from the holes where some of his teeth should have been and said “I scored in that game”

“Shut up Garratt” said both Ivan and Dan, not bothering to look at him. Although his goal was an upright reverse piece of magic, they weren’t in the mood for him to recite the tale for the umpteenth time. “Overall the team effort was good” said Dan “especially the defense. Will was so happy to get his clean sheet.” Will had died in one of the fires early on, trying to save his complete set of signed Harry Potter books. The defense had gone down together. Whilst fighting their way out of intu Uxbridge the building collapsed after a well-placed bomb built by some Brunel designers and engineers exploded. Although there was friendly fire, many more St Mary’s soldiers were taken out.

The rest of the team fought in the final skirmish that took place at the sports park. They stood alongside Rugby boys, Netball girls and, surprisingly, computer science lecturers (It turns out they’re completely mental and showed no mercy on the battlefield). The ensuing violence was chaos and caused much confusion for both factions. Ivan, Dan and Garratt managed to save Lash who was taking on two basketball players at the same time with a large, stuffed parrot.

“I feel like my goal was similar to Ivan’s” said Lash, “all it took was a fierce counterattack and I just slotted the ball in. Dan,” he then turned to Dan, “You managed to get two you wiley so-and-so! Another goal as a result of brilliant hockey and a relieving recovery of a botched short corner. No wonder you got Man of the Match.” Dan grinned, however there was no mirth to be seen in his eyes. How could there be, after everything they had seen in the past twenty-four hours?

“I think we can agree that Brunel showed their true colours that day” Ivan said, “However, although we are the last four left, nobody was the true winner here”.

“Five” said a voice and the four lads whipped their heads around and saw John limping one-legged towards them and using a mop for a crutch. Nobody had seen John so they assumed he must have gone down with the others.

“John, you were terrible that week” spat Lash, “Every pass was off and you managed to miss several goals from less than five yards out! Even that short corner Dan scored was almost ruined by your injection!” John nodded and with a wry smile replied, “You almost got DoD to be fair, after having a cute little stretching session with a Brighton player off the side of the pitch” Lash chuckled half-heartedly, his eyes dropping to the floor.

After what seemed to be an hour of silence, Ivan decided enough was enough and said, “Shall we find some beer?” The lads looked at each other and all replied,


“Yeah why n-”

“Shut up Garratt”
The End
(This took way too long)


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